Danny J Bixby

Had a great conversation with a new group leader after the 6:30p service tonight. She has only been coming with her family for about 2 months to North Point. But as I asked the standard “So how did you end up at NPC?” question, the answer I got was pretty awesome, “Well…Facebook.”

Yep. Facebook.

She went on to tell me that she never heard of North Point before, but it seemed to keep popping up all the time on Facebook: friends’ statuses, videos they’d post, quotes, links, etc. Since I do our web & social media for North Point, hearing that from someone who went from 2 months ago not being in NPC to now being so into it that she was interviewing to be a group leader was pretty awesome.

Then she drops a big one on me: When her family came to North Point, it was the first time she (or her husband) had been to church in 13 years. And not only that, she has begun “dragging her friends” (as she puts it) to NPC as well. And they’re digging it. She even brought one of them along to her group leader interview, and invited her to be her co-leader (much to her friend’s surprise, hilariously).

Even though I know how important Facebook is to spreading the word about a church, how big social sharing is between friends, how people check out a church on Facebook before they even show up for the 1st time…it’s still good to meet someone that solidifies what I already know.

Facebook is kinda a big deal.

I came across this list of accountability questions that John Wesley would go over with those he was discipling…and of course answer himself. I thought it was a pretty interesting list and wanted to share it.

I think it’s neat to look through these and see the questions that, honestly, I would never think of going over as something to be accountable to. Know what I mean?

1. Am I consciously or unconsciously creating the impression that I am better than I am? In other words, am I a hypocrite?
2. Am I honest in all my acts and words, or do I exaggerate?
3. Do I confidentially pass onto another what was told me in confidence?
4. Am I a slave to dress, friends, work or habits?
5. Am I self-conscious, self-pitying, or self-justifying?
6. Did the Bible live in me today?
7. Do I give the Bible time to speak to me every day?
8. Am I enjoying prayer?
9. When did I last speak to someone about my faith?
10. Do I pray about the money I spend?
11. Do I get to bed on time and get up on time?
12. Do I disobey God in anything?
13. Do I insist upon doing something about which my conscience is uneasy?
14. Am I defeated in any part of my life?
15. Am I jealous, impure, critical, irritable, touchy or distrustful?
16. How do I spend my spare time?
17. Am I proud?
18. Do I thank God that I am not as other people? As the pharisee did who despised the tax collector?
19. Is there anyone whom I fear, dislike, disown, criticize, hold resentment toward or disregard? If so, what am I going to do about it?
20. Do I grumble and complain constantly?
21. Is Christ real to me?

What do you think of that list?

A typical small group

I find that when I’m talking to different sets of people about small groups, they all have different sets of ideas about what a small group actually is.

I think it’s far too easy for me to assume I need to tell somebody what “x” is instead of asking them what “x” is to them first. I know, I’m presumptuous.

So as I’ve been getting into my new role, asking people “What do you think of when you hear small group?” or, “Can you explain to me what a small group actually is?” have been two of my most frequent questions.

Here’s some of the answers. According to people I’ve asked, small groups are: (more…)

>No beating around it, let’s just go straight in. North Point Church hired me full time this past Wednesday as the “Connections Coach”!!! (insert happy dance here)

For those of you who know me well, you’re aware of what a huge deal this is for me. For those of you who know me a little bit…this is a huge deal for me! I turned in my 2 weeks at my old job…this is really happening.

I’m going to work closely with my good friend (and new boss!) Connections Director Tim Perkins…go bother him on Facebook & Twitter, you’ll be glad you did.

Connections is basically nearly everything in the church that deals with ‘adults’ ministries. Our small groups (connect groups), getting people integrated into the church through serving, spiritual development, creating points of entry for new people, etc.

At the expense of getting all sappy…this is a life changing thing for me. I don’t quite know how to emotionally deal with this transition, and in some ways it hasn’t fully hit me yet. I’m at a point of excited & happy that can’t really be put into words. This is something that I convinced myself for the past 7 years just wasn’t going to happen for me. That choices I had made in my life weren’t going to allow it. And now that it is…it’s very powerful.

If you wouldn’t mind, I’d really appreciate that you pray for me with this new part of my life. I want to get right in now and get rolling on it. Thanks so much for letting me share this with you, and thanks for all the support!

>Community seems to be such a buzzword. As a church we talk about getting people plugged into community, about creating community, fostering it, nourishing it, etc etc.

But we don’t really know what it is.

We know that people should be a part of it. And that it’s a “good” thing. But we (and sociology for that matter) can’t define it. It’s a vague concept.

The thing about community, to me, is that even if you can’t really define it you will know it when you see it.

And you’ll really notice the lack of community where it isn’t.

In the contrived and forced environments. Where we get people to meet together who normally would not in an effort to foster relationships between them. People who have little in common, who don’t really want to find things in common or share experiences. Who are focused on themselves and what they should be getting out of the experience, as opposed to what they’re giving of themselves to others.

This sort of thing rarely develops into a healthy community.

What you get instead is a group of people who end up feeling frustrated at the lack of positive movement. People who wanted to gain friendships, to gain trusted people in their lives, who were made a promise and feel it hasn’t been met. You get inorganic, stagnant meetings–instead of vibrant, natural friendships and sharing of life together.

The thing is, if you’re going to attempt getting into community with other people–then give it all you’ve got.

• Don’t expect to put an hour or two into it weekly and get great results
• Don’t expect to sit back and be mentally “checked out” and have people respond differently to you than they would a plant
• Don’t think you can hold back from investing yourself and getting personal with others–without them doing the same
• Don’t think that “whatever will happen, will happen.” That’s a great way of making sure that nothing will.
• Don’t focus on what YOU will be getting out of it. Focus on what you can give.

Really, community (like a great many things) is what you make of it. And if you want to be a part of it, you’ll have to put forth the lion’s share of the work. And if for some reason you’re not as “plugged in” with a community as you’d like, I don’t think there are a great many places outside of yourself to point the blame.

>Last night, at our men’s connect group, the session material segued into some group assessment time. This week was on exhibiting grace and truth in our lives and how we see ourselves as falling to either side of the spectrum. So we also talked about what the group itself needs to work on as far as it relates to that.

This didn’t last long.

There wasn’t much of a “well, here’s what’s wrong, here’s what we could do better, etc etc.”

Instead it was just the opposite. Everyone was bursting with compliments of how good the group was going. These guys were excited. They were talking about how much they’ve grown in just these short months together, how they’re growing closer to God and each other every week, etc. And then things took a bit of a personal turn to me, the comments started to become “this wouldn’t have been possible without your leadership”, “thank you so much for doing this with us”, and the big “we seriously have the best group leader at NPC.”

I didn’t really know what to do.

I got embarrassed.

And it was pretty obvious…and they mentioned it…and I tried to casually blow it off as “I’m just not good at receiving compliments.”

I mean, I am freaking stoked that the group is going well. And I do agree with them that we seem to be going along really great. People are constantly coming out of their shells in the conversations, there are breakthroughs happenings, realizations occurring, serious/painful growth, and I can’t thank God enough for it! It’s awesome to see, and it’s great to experience. I am a huge enthusiast in the power of small groups….or else I probably wouldn’t be doing what I am in the first place.

But…the feedback was a bit of a problem.

I tried to downplay it, say I’m not good at receiving compliments, etc. All from some position of embarrassment (which I was) and humility…which I’m not so sure about.

I think my problem is that I don’t think I’m humble.  At all.  I am absolutely full of pride.

My real problem with receiving the compliments…is that I want the compliments. A part of me wants the recognition.

I want to feel validated, I want to feel important, I want to know that I’m doing a good job, that I’m making a difference, that I’m helping, that I’m doing this/that/the other.

See the problem in that statement? I’ll give you a hint, it’s 1-letter long and starts with “I.”

I have this fear that my motivation for doing things like leading connect groups, volunteering, being involved in ministry is false. I have a fear that I’m false. That I’m a fraud.

I have a fear that my motivation for doing these things isn’t to do them in the name of God, or do them to advance Jesus or any other phrase in here that means that same thing.  I have a fear that the reason I am so passionate about these things, and feel the need for validation is because I’m really doing them for me.

I don’t know if that’s true….but I’m afraid it is at times.

And so when I receive the positive feedback that reinforces what I’m doing, I get nervous. I have to play it down, because I can feel the pride swelling and I really don’t want to be full of myself. Because it isn’t about me or what I’m doing or what I’m capable of.

So I hear those things that I think I wanted to hear in the first place…and it turns out that I don’t want to hear them. Because what it really reinforces is my own fear. Each one creates an echo in my mind, and I play it over and over. And simultaneously each statement creates a great feeling of accomplishment and of utter failure.

I think I used to be much worse about this…I do think I’m getting better.

Until I count how many times I used the word “I.”

>Right now, my couples group is meeting. We’re discussing communion together, and we’ll be sharing communion as well in a few moments. (Ah the power of pre-written and scheduled posts!)

I’ve been thinking about the issues that I wanted to be sure our group touched on while we were talking about communion. I’m still debating exactly how to approach everything that I want to be sure we’ll cover, but I have a general guideline. And some of it is going to require me talking for a while, in addition to the open discussion….I’m ok with this.

So, the rest of this post is going to contain my ‘moderately prepared in advance’ information on communion.

This’ll be long. Go grab something to eat.

—

I think that one of the best ways to try to find out what communion should mean for us today, is to look to what it meant to people yesterday…well…lots of yesterdays ago. Before we cloaked it in mysticism, or with some of us, cynicism. And the place to do that is in the setting it was originally done, with Jesus and his disciples.

All four of the gospels talk about that night. And they each bring different perspectives and information to the table. We’re told that Jesus sent two of his disciples (John & Peter) to go ahead of him into Jerusalem and make preparations for the Passover Seder meal. To say that Passover was ‘a big deal’ to Jews would be an understatement. Passover was huge.

Seder was a longstanding ritual meal of remembrance and thanksgiving. Seder is representative of when God rescued his people from Egypt and brought them into the promised land. It was a time to focus on the former slavery of the Jews in Egypt, and their redemption by the hand of God who gave them their freedom. Slavery. Freedom. Important themes. Remember those.

The actual Seder meal itself was not so much a meal as it was a religious service. There were specific things to be said, different roles to be had for different people who attended, it was an active service and everyone had at least some part — whether that was reciting some specific words, singing a song, or eating the food at certain times in remembrance. So, preparations for this were very important, and very thorough.

A time later, after John/Peter were sent to make preparations, Jesus takes the rest of the disciples and goes to meet with John/Peter in a ‘large upper room’ of someone’s house.

As I said, the Seder meal was very specific. There is pretty much a script of things to say and do during the Seder meal/service. And there is someone there who is ‘in charge’ of everything. In a situation where you’d have a Rabbi dining with his disciples (as is the case here) the Rabbi would be in charge. He would be at the head (or middle) of the table, have a specific ceremonial garment on (usually a white robe) and he would talk and guide people through the service.

Keep in mind, the Passover Seder happens every year, Jesus has most likely had this meal with his disciples before, as he was in his 3rd year of his ministry. They know the routine, they know the specific eccentricities that Jesus brings to the service….if any. And his disciples have been doing the Passover service every year for their whole lives. They’re experts. And they’re going to notice when something deviates from the script…

Taking variations into account, the Seder meal has 15 specific aspects to it, including these:

• Drink 1st cup of wine
• Wash hands/begin to serve the food, eat some food, all with heavy symbolic meaning
• Breaking a large piece of matzo into two smaller parts, 1 to eat now, 1 to eat later in the service 
• Retelling of the Passover story, including the “four questions” and a 2nd cup of wine
• Eating more symbolic food
• Eating the 2nd piece of matzo
• Post meal blessing and 3rd cup of wine
• Singing hymns/psalms and 4th cup of wine

Jews like wine. Seriously.

Looking through the gospel’s versions of ‘The Last Supper’ we can see parallels to the Seder meal based upon specific things that Jesus says, or actions that he does. We can also make educated assumptions about where in the progression of the Seder meal Jesus alters the ‘standard script.’

So we have Jesus and his disciples in a large room in some guy’s house. Getting ready to do the Seder service. Jesus, as the Rabbi, has most likely changed into a ceremonial robe/garment of some type. And we’re ready to start the service by drinking some wine! (The way every service should start, by the way)

Luke tells us that Jesus did indeed start the service by giving wine to his disciples, and stating how glad he was to share this Passover with them. And that he won’t be drinking wine again until the kingdom of God comes.

If I were a disciple, this is where I’d be taking a time-out. This is not normal. This is not what you’re supposed to say. This isn’t in the script. What do you mean you won’t be drinking wine again until the kingdom of God comes? You drink wine all the time! You even made like 100 liters of the stuff for some party we were at. So you’re not going to be drinking wine again? Oh wait, I get it. You won’t be drinking it again until the kingdom of God comes….so that means it’s coming real soon? Yeah, I understand, we’re about to go for it, we’re going to have our revolution, we’re going to make you king! (Remember, Jesus’ disciples still were insistent that he was going to be a militaristic Messiah and take over by force.)

So, this is how the Seder is opened. With Jesus’ disciples thinking that he’s going to be made king by force. Next should be the ceremonial hand washing. And we get information from John of what happened next. John tells us that the Seder meal was now being served, and that Jesus got up from the table, removed his garment (again, probably that Rabbinic/priestly ceremonial white robe), put a towel around his waist, and began to wash his disciples feet.

Talk about not being in the script! It’s time for hand washing, not feet washing. By doing this he gives them the message that he is to be a servant, not a king by force. More than a servant, the servant in a house who washed people’s feet was more what we would think of as a slave instead of hired hand, they were very low on the totem. Slavery, it’s a Passover theme.

After the foot washing, we get to the part where the Rabbi is supposed to break the matzo. And we are told that Jesus takes the bread (matzo = unleavened bread…like a huge cracker) and breaks it. And instead of the scripted liturgy, Jesus says something to the effect of, “This is my body, given for you. Do this in remembrance of me.”

Now things are really getting weird. His disciples know what should have been said, and this isn’t it. Moreover, the Seder is in remembrance of what God did for his people. And now Jesus is making it about remembering what he did for his disciples. This is a blatant claim of divinity, and this is game changing.

We’re now to the part of the Seder known as the ’4 questions,’ and also the 2nd cup of wine. Yay, wine! This is where the children of the household will ask the same scripted questions to the Rabbi, and he answers them back with scripted answers. These questions are important. Jewish tradition has it that even if a man is celebrating the Seder by himself, he is to ask the questions and respond just like normal. So these are serious business.

The questions are missing from the Seder meal in the gospels….kinda. The question that starts the traditional Seder meal is the most important, “Why is this night unlike other nights?” It’s meant to be asked so that the elder can transmit the story of what God did for the Jews through each subsequent generation. So that the story won’t be lost. So that they’ll always remember what makes this night special, and what God has done. That God has freed them.

We get the question
from Peter, “Lord, where are you going? Why can’t I follow you now?” Jesus has told them that where he is going, they cannot follow. This time it is different. Peter is in disbelief. What do you mean this is different? We always follow you. Where are you going? Why can I follow you before, but now I cannot? Echoing the traditional, ‘Why is this night unlike other nights?’ Why can’t I follow you now?

We don’t get the exact Seder questions in the Biblical text….but we do get questions. In the gospel of John, Jesus is asked several questions by his disciples about the information he has given them. It actually mirrors the rhythm of the Seder question/answer period. See, the point of the Seder question isn’t the question, the point is the answer. The questions are quick, the answers are long. Just like the rhythm we get in John. Jesus is asked, Jesus replies, Jesus is asked, Jesus replies, etc. The questions are short, Jesus’ replies are long. The script is gone, the questions are different, the answers have changed, but the pattern and the tradition/format still remain.

Skipping ahead, we’ve eaten the meal. Gone through most of the ceremony, but Jesus has thrown some serious curve-balls…and he’s not done. Now we’re up to the 3rd cup of wine, the first post dinner drink. Luke tells us that after supper, Jesus took the cup saying “This cup is the new covenant in my blood, which is poured out for you and for many.”  Now that’s a curve ball.

What new covenant? We’re celebrating an old covenant, not replacing it with another. But Jesus decided to take this third cup, and proclaim a new covenant from it. Important, each cup was symbolic. There were four cups of wine because each cup was an expression of God’s deliverance of the Jews from Egypt. The cups were:

• I will bring out
• I will deliver
• I will redeem
• I will take

Jesus, instead of reciting the traditional ceremonial words that would accompany the third cup, the cup of redemption, he has instituted a new covenant. One that will truly allow for redemption (the forgiveness of sins) that does not require sacrifices year after year, that is final.

This is what we take away from that Seder meal. The significance of these changes to the disciples at that meal were monumental. The Seder is just saturated with tradition and religious reverence. It is the very identity of the Jewish people. They were the former slaves. They are the ones who are now freed. They are God’s chosen people. Now Jesus is saying that there is something new. This Seder has become different from all others. This night is different. It is no longer about remembering what God has done for the specific group of people (the Jews) but what Jesus is doing for ‘the many,’ what he is doing for all people. It is the new sacrifice that will give everyone redemption. It is Jesus taking the form of a slave for those he loves. And taking the punishment for sin onto himself for all everyone.

That is what we remember with communion. It’s not about the mystical, or the superstitious. It’s not about what the specific elements are, or what they do. We are instructed to remember what Jesus has done for us. We are to do these things to remember him. Jesus tied it to a tradition that has lasted thousands of years, so that we won’t forget. So that we won’t forget that our forgiveness was bought with a price. That there was a sacrifice.

That we remember that we too were slaves. Not to the Egyptians, but slaves to sin in our lives, and because of Jesus, we do not have to be! That he does offer us freedom from ourselves and the sin that destroys us. That we remember the sacrifice and moreover we proclaim Jesus’ triumph over sin in our lives through this act. It is both looking back at what he has done, and looking forward to what he will do.

Looking forward to what he will do in our lives as we grow in being closer to him and holiness, and what he will do in the whole world when he returns.

>This is a message from Scott Williams, his blog is here. I saw it a few weeks ago and wanted to re-post it, but it was taken down. It’s now back up again.

This is personally a convicting issue for me. And I think it is one that we tend to overlook. Your thoughts?

>This is part 2. Part 1 is here.

Part 1 explains my belief that Luke 15 more appropriately refers to people who were once close to God and have now moved away vs people who have never known God at all.

But you know what? It doesn’t matter if you agree with that point or not.

Independent of the interpretation of Luke 15, the fact remains that MANY people are leaving the church. Not just leaving “a” church and going to another one, but leaving all church, leaving organized Christianity all together.

This is such a prolific problem, that this demographic has been given a trendy name, the “once churched” or by some “de-churched.” There are no longer just the “churched” and the “un-churched” but now this third group as well.

A recent study of “once churched” people yielded a good amount of data for why people have left the church. The top two reasons were:

• Changes in life situation. Specifics include: Became too busy to attend church, family responsibilities prevented church attendance, moved too far from church, work situation, became divorced.
• Disenchantment with pastor/church. Specifics include: Church members seems hypocritical, the church/pastor was too judgmental, the church was run by a clique that discouraged involvement.

Every single one of those reasons resonates with me. Granted, I never got divorced, BUT I was engaged to a woman for a few years before I ever met Jenny. And when we broke up, my friends and I referred to it as “the divorce.” It would be quite fair to say that this reason was involved in my decision to move to another church at that time. But each one of those other reasons listed I could easily put down as a reason why I either changed churches at one time, or deeply considered doing so….and more often than not, I didn’t.

I know there are many many more reasons than those, and I know that sometimes reasons are given as a smokescreen to mask the truth of why a person is no longer involved in a church. But there are reasons given by the data, and there are things that we can do to confront every single one of them.

—

Yes, I know that someone leaving the church does not mean that they have abandoned their faith. In fact, this same study has some information about the beliefs of the “once churched” that were polled.

42% Christian but not devout
24% Spiritual but not religious
19% Devout Christian
10% Believe in God but not Christianity
5% Uncertain about God
1% Don’t believe in God

I see two things in those numbers: People who have lost faith in God (the bottom 2), and people who have lost faith in the church (the top 4). So we really have:

6% People who are uncertain of, or have lost faith in, God
94% People are uncertain of, or have lost faith in, the religious structure of the church, the doctrines that compose Christianity, or the regulations that must be adhered to consider yourself devout.

This saddens me.

I do not believe that you have to be involved in church to be a Christian. However, I do believe that if you are not involved in a community of believers who are able to mutually build up each other’s faith, encourage each other, challenge each other, live their lives together, etc, and you attempt to go it alone; you will have a very difficult time. And really, isn’t that a church anyway?

In my mind, the data from the above chart would look quite different in time. If the same people were polled 10 years later, I can’t imagine that only 6% would have the problem with God. I imagine that number would have drastically climbed. That eventually, those who left because of a problem with the church would have that problem fester and grow until they no longer had a problem only with the church, but with God as well.

There was a sermon illustration I heard a few years ago (or read, I can’t remember) about comparing Christians to coals/embers in a fire. When you get them together, it burns hot and the coals feed off each other. When you remove one from the fire, it stays lit for a little while, but then burns out long before the main fire does. It may even be some kind of Biblical illustration or proverb, but I’m not interested in trying to look it up just so I can appear that I know what I’m talking about.

It burns me.

I get angry and sad that we as a church drive so many away. That we seem ignorant of it, and in many cases just plain ambivalent towards it. It’s not that we don’t know, it’s that we also don’t care. And we tell ourselves it was out of our control.

***WARNING: SARCASM AHEAD, WARNING***

Oh, those people left because they abandoned God. They were destined to fall away. Or better still, they never truly believed in God anyway, or they would not have left. They couldn’t commit to growing their own faith. They were unable to give up their sinful passions. They didn’t take responsibility for their faith. They‘ll go someplace else that’s more comfortable for them. They don’t fit in with us here. They don’t understand. They didn’t listen. They did this wrong, they did that wrong, we are not the problem, they are! ***/Sarcasm***

No.

They are not the problem.

99% of the time, we are the problem.

So we need to be the solution.

How?

>I’ve come to a bit of a troubling problem the past few weeks. I feel that I have mostly forgotten how to learn.

I don’t mean that I think I know everything, or a lot, or that there are things that I do not know. That would be absurd. What I mean is that I seem to be having a difficult time retaining and recalling new information.

I’ve been reading a lot more in the past 7-8 months. And I’ve easily read more books in the past 2 months than I have in the past 5 years…..not counting this calendar year.

I used to be an avid reader, both for knowledge/pleasure….since I’m a huge dork, those are pretty interchangeable for most subjects. But I mostly stopped reading when I left school, got married and started raising Brooke. Granted, a lot of things shifted around that time, but my cessation of learning was one of them.

Now that I’ve begun reading frequently again, I feel that I’m unable to acquire and retain information in the way I used to. I’ve had the ability for most of my life to just…well…remember most things. I hardly ever studied in school including college. I didn’t have a photographic memory by any means, but I would retain important bits that stuck out to me. But more so than basic information, I easily absorbed theories and concepts.

Now — not so much.

This is mainly a problem with my spiritual formation. I have a very hard time concentrating on, digging into, studying a specific theological concept. I feel unable to and uncomfortable ‘meditating on’ things the way I used to. I struggle to apply concepts to my life, to find points of reference or significance, and at times I struggle to recall certain ideas at all.

At least, in my personal study.

I’ve been finding more and more lately in our group that I remember things that I had since “forgotten” while we’re having our discussions. It’s as if i’m accessing what I’ve read and retained while I’m speaking with other people and haven’t figured out how to bring it back up when I’m by myself.

This is frustrating….but I’m not sure if this is entirely bad.

We’ve talked a good deal in our group about how God desires us to read and work out scriptures in a group setting. How personal reflection is important…but more important is to talk out and work out meanings of scriptures in a group.

How scriptures were written and disseminated with just such practices in mind. How most books (save a few) were written to GROUPS of people as opposed to individuals. That people were supposed to get together and figure out what it meant collectively. To really work out their faith collectively as opposed to by themselves.

Because of this, our faith and our growth in the knowledge of God is very much a ‘personal’ journey but it is by no means a ‘private’ one. It is very much so meant to be done in a corporate setting.

I’d like to think that I need to change the way that I “learn” to include this information. That I should not be so frustrated with this development. That I shouldn’t be so focused on returning to “the way I learn” as the way I remembered it 5-6 years ago.

Instead I should be embracing the method that God is allowing me to learn things through at this season of my life. That I shouldn’t be fighting a natural progression or change. That I should be glad that I’m able to relearn in a way that I am not necessarily comfortable or familiar with. Perhaps I’ll get more comfortable with it and less frustrated with time.

Or maybe my ripe old age is just catching up with me. I did just turn 27 after all.